Posted in Challenges, drama, fantasy, flash fiction, Prose, Writing

Beneath the Flames

Photo Credit: Jimmy Fell

According to legend, when smoke came out of the woods, it was the pagans performing sacrifices, burning beasts and men alike. The prince was skeptical about it and one day, he decided to check.

Venturing into the woods at night, he went into the general direction of the smoke. He came upon a clearing, in the middle of which a wooden figure of an angel was burning. The pagans kneeled around it, their heads touching the ground. They were silent and unmoving.

Something caught the prince’s eye; the angel seemed to be looking right at him. For a second, he thought he saw a tear falling from one of its eyes as it gradually turned into a pile of ash—

One of the wild men yanked the prince towards the clearing. They pointed daggers and bows at him, shouting that it was a crime punishable by death to interrupt their rites.

He smiled.

They seemed to have noticed something was wrong. Looking into his eyes, the pagans recoiled, covering their faces, screaming and running away.

The prince, confused, went back to the castle.

The demon never left his side.

My first attempt at Jane Dougherty’s Microfiction Challenge. 

This does sort of fit retribution, doesn’t it? At least I hope so.

All comments (including criticism) are welcome!



Absolutely fantastic procrastinator. Creative, often irrational, hyperactive. Reader, writer, artist, photographer, film-maker, gamer.

13 thoughts on “Beneath the Flames

  1. I like the ending, very ambiguous and mysterious. It reads like a fairy tale, maybe because the hero is a prince. A stylistic point—it rather leaps out at me that there’s no speech in this story except for one exclamation. I’d be tempted to leave it out as it sounds anachronistic besides being so solitary. Why not just say they turn and set about him since he doesn’t say anything in reply anyway?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked it Jane=) Good point about the exclamation. There was supposed to be one more line of dialogue but I cut it out because of the word count. The story does seem better with no speech at all.


  2. Hi Louise, I liked this take, it was an excellent image to write and like Jane I also liked the ending as it poses questions and that gives us as readers something to ask ourselves thus we are engaged in your story……

    Liked by 1 person

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