Posted in Challenges, drama, fantasy, flash fiction, Prose, Writing

Dreamer

I was sure I’d never been in a nightmare so desolate and morbid. Dark ugly creatures roamed the barren dreamscape, probably terrorizing the dreamer, and I found myself wondering who the child was.

My work shift was coming to an end so I tried to be quick. I killed the monsters one by one while trying to make the landscape presentable. Sobbing interrupted me.

The crying dreamer turned out to be a girl. A monster was coming towards her. I made it vanish.

She cried harder.

“What’s wrong, little girl?”

She gasped, grinned and hugged me in quick succession.

“My friends keep disappearing,” she said, pointing to the creatures I hadn’t killed off yet.

Friends?” I was confused. “They look dangerous though. Deathly.”

“They’re the only friends I have!”

I brought back both the creatures I’d gotten rid of. The girl’s smile widened.

“Do you have family?” I asked.

“Dead. I’m homeless.”

After I was extracted from the dream, I set out searching for her; she’d described her general location. I found her, hugged her tight, took her home and swore I’d become her best friend.

Soon, though, she got used to calling me Daddy.


This was written in response to Jane Dougherty’s Microfiction Challenge #3. Image credit: Josef Chelmonski

And this was uncharted waters for me. For some reason, it’s the first time I had trouble fitting a story into the 200 word count=D Not sure how it turned out.

Feel free to share your thoughts (and criticism) in the comments!

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Author:

Absolutely fantastic procrastinator. Creative, often irrational, hyperactive. Reader, writer, artist, photographer, film-maker, gamer.

20 thoughts on “Dreamer

  1. I love the story and the way you introduce the very strange set up in a logical way so the story flows, keeping the reader in there all the time. Two little technical things I’d maybe tighten up: the child’s facial expressions, sobbing, gasp, grin, the hug in quick succession then sobbing then back to grinning could maybe be tightened up and made less frantic. Wouldn’t she just stop sobbing and look hopeful? The other thing is a bit I found confusing. You bring back the monsters then ask ‘Family?’ I thought you were asking her if the monsters were family. She replies ‘Dead.’ which made me think the monsters were her family and they were also dead. That in turn makes the ‘I’m homeless.’ into a bit of a non sequitur. That, of course maybe just the tortuous way my mind works. I imagine it was because you’d run out of words.
    Anyway, a really original interpretation of that wacky painting 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your comment, Jane!
      To me it seemed as if the girl would be very emotional during the stress in a nightmare-not-quite-nightmare where strange things start happening to her friends, but I get where you’re coming from on the first point. The second point is because I was drawing dangerously close to 200, yes=D I understand how it could have been a little confusing. Thanks for mentioning these! I hope I get the chance to revise it soon=) And, as always, thanks for an inspiring challenge!

      Like

  2. Yes, write it out! There is potential to this story as more than 200 words! I’d love to read more of the narrator’s world, including the role the little girl comes to play.
    Turning nightmares into pleasant dreams is a very intriguing concept.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Turning nightmares into pleasant dreams is a very intriguing concept.” – yes, it’s a great concept to write about and I’m definitely going to explore it further. Thank you for your feedback, Phylor!=)

      Like

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