I love writing. Writing brings me joy. Writing is a necessity if only to restore some order in my chaotic ocean of thoughts. But for a long time, I couldn’t start writing any major works (although I had, and still have, several ideas for novels). The reason? Mr Procrastinator:
Mr. Procrastinator is a thief of time
Do you know the aftermath of his actions?
Pain, regret, self-pity and failure…
Yeah, he’s my arch-nemesis. At first, he kept me from schoolwork but that’s manageable. When he’d keep me away from writing, though, I’d always feel depressed.
However, as I’d mentioned, I love writing, so why would I put it off? The reason is, I had very low self-esteem. Mostly, I’d write poetry and prose. And think of novel plots. But actually getting past the second chapter of a novel draft? That was a no-no, because I’d convinced myself I’d inevitably fail and wallow in misery with an unfixable manuscript a la Twilight.
For me, it’s always been a process of trying to convince myself that what I’m doing in a first draft isn’t important.
It took a second attempt at NaNoWriMo (the first was about 1K words and downfall) to get me to click off my inner editor, convince myself that what I’m doing right now doesn’t have to be perfect, and simply write. I can’t express the relief I feel when I actually see more than fifty pages in my current draft. And though some sentence constructions do make me cringe, I calm myself by this simple affirmation:
The sooner I finish the draft, the sooner I can edit the **** out of it.
And these golden words:
No one is ever going to see your first draft. Nobody cares about your first draft. And that’s the thing that you may be agonizing over, but honestly, whatever you’re doing can be fixed.
Now I suffer from procrastination occasionally, but at least I get the writing done more or less on time.
Do you encounter this problem in writing? In other spheres of life? If so, how do you deal with it? Feel free to share in the comments!
Till next time=)